portrait

Sometimes you have to take a step back in order to see the bigger picture. As a high school student I can vouch for this. Recently, actually about six hours ago my brother and sister came home from iowa city for christmas break. I couldn't have been more excited for them to be home because seeing both of them is rare, and I love my family when we are all together. It is truly pure comedy when we are together. All families are different but everyone knows that there are those people that you act different around because you are being yourself and you would trade a million and one things to be with those people. For me those people are my dad, my brother, and my sister. They came home and I immediately dropped everything to be with them. Forgetting the AP US History test that I had tomorrow and the three packets I needed to read. They came home and I thought I was on break too, but I was wrong and I figured that out around eight oh clock at night so that was a fun reality check. So now I am dreading waking up at six am to go to school for the next four days. Seriously is this a joke what are we suppose to get done in four days when a third of the kids already are leaving for break.
Then I took my step backwards, and gained a little bit of clarity. School still sucks no matter how many steps you take back, that needs to be acknowledged. My siblings may be home but I need to push through these days and just have some fun in school we do have holiday parties in most of my classes anyways. It is only four days, just four days. I am capable of handling this. Second I get to have family christmas on Tuesday night so I'll have tons of new clothes to wear to school. We have secret santa in my spanish class wednesday and thursday yet another reason to be at school! Also in the bigger picture it is about to be break and I get to spend time with the people I love and enjoy the joy of the holidays. It is truly a great time of year, whether you are giving thanks, or just encountering how much you truly have to be thankful for. The holidays are about giving selflessly because no matter what there is always someone out there that would kill to be you, no matter how awful you feel.

puppy love

It was a warm Kentucky afternoon, the kind of day you like to be awake and watch the sun rise. There was a warm orange glow coming off the horizon and the breeze brought in the smell of freshly cut hay. As we drove along the countryside I thought about my upcoming decision. With every second that passed I got more and more excited. All I could think about was how she would look and what she would act like, all I knew was that she was a golden retriever-poodle mix.

          As soon as we pulled into the rocky driveway, I jumped out of the car and ran to the huddle of fuzzy puppies, playfully nipping at each others ears. They smelt like grass, and each time the yelped my heart jumped. My mom, brother, and I played with the puppies. Deciding on just one of them was so hard. In the end my mom got the final say, she ended up picking the perfect one. We named her Zoey. She was playful and cuddly, she was all white and her ears were golden.
          Taking home that high energy, golden ball of fur, is one of the happiest times in my life. The feeling I get when I hold Zoey in my lap is total happiness. She just puts off a joyful vibe. Flying to Kentucky to get her was total worth it. There were no other golden-doodle breeders anywhere else. Thinking about that day brings a feeling that’s hard to find: the distinct smell of home, and the feeling of love and protection.
          Whenever I think back to that day it brings a bright smile to my face. A flashback to that day comes into my head. I can see the bright blue sky and the Kentucky roads. Something about the culture there feels a lot like home. Every time I think back to that day I know it was meant to be. Ever since that day I have learned that every moment of sadness is a moment you can never get back. In other words there are so many reasons to be happy, don’t let small stuff get you down.

friends close

I have recenlty discovered a group of friends that I feel really drawn to. One of the realizations that I have made is that I'm incredibly lucky to have these people in my life. Most people have a few paople maybe even just one but I have found a solid group of seven that I know will always have my back when I need them too. They are usually there even when I don't need them. We spend almost every weekend together, including most week nights as well. We have that level of comfortability around eachother that is unreal, and uncommon to many people. I would feel comfortable doing absolutely anything around these people and they treat me with respect and compasssion. The other night I could not stop crying so nick picked me up and took me to Laurens house where her and josh were and we all just hung out and had a relaxed night because everyone knew that I needed it. They all provided an awesome distraction for me that day, they even drove me to Dairy Queen without me having to ask. We just know those little things about eachother.
This Sunday my friends and I are having what we call snugglesmas, our friends christmas. My friends cat is named snuggles. We all went out and bought fairly nice gifts for eachother, and are all hyped up on anticipation for the big event. It will be fun to have an all day event to just relax during and enjoy the company of the good friends that we all have. A lot of people take that for granted, not many people have that close of friends that they can rely on and count on absolutely whenever they need them. True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. For that reason I will hold on to these friends and do just about anything to make sure I do not lose them. They mean the world to me, and I would probably fight until the death for them.
In life all things that come and leave make an impact on you. It is up to you to decide how much or how little they affect you. It is also up to those peoplke and how much they givev and how hard they try, how much they care. It is truly a life changing experience, because once you experience that level of love and care you will be in turn more compassionate and loving towards others in hopes of finding that level agian.

give thanks

I'm going to do a whole list of things I'm thankful for today in the spirit of christmas! 

my puppy, fuzzy blankets, new water bottles, wrapping paper, bows, headbands, christmas cookies, reliable friends, popcorn, christmas trees, frost on the window, rosy cheeks, happy people, shopping, the hustle and bustle of life, salvation army bell ringers, pinterest, giving gifts, love, waiting in anticipation, getting something unexpected, something that shocks you so much you don't know how to feel, curly ribbons, candles, fireplaces adorned with stockings, little kids christmas outfits, bundled babies, sledding, a kiss under the missile toe, mugs of hot cocoa, a full tank of gas, secret santas, a new outfit, being genuinely happy, having a family that loves you, christmas album, micheal buble, new years eve, long warm hugs, new mittens, a cozy scarf, hot breakfast, waking up before your alarm, snuggling under the covers, fresh baked cookie smell, going out to eat, snugglesmas, the ravens great season, forgiveness, the reason for the season, baby jesus, only a week and a half of school until break, forgetting your homework and going to bed early, caffeine, best friends, second families, a confident smile, doing something for the greater good, falling in love, being hopeful, mini marshmallows, craving ice cream in the winter, finishing the ACT, writing an amazing essay, a sense of accomplishment, the rare times when a song comes on and is exactly how you are feeling, forgetting about something you ordered in the mail, communication, teachers that understand students, giving blood, people who have the ability to change your mood, being the only person that can reach the top shelf, new socks, chapstick which is in your pocket on accident, the cops, waking up to the most confusing situation, having a cuddle buddy, losing yourself in a good book, the university of colorado at boulder, college scholarships, a bandaid, hottubbing when its snowing, paper snowflakes, finding motivation, extra credit opportunities, volunteering, baby animals, stopping to smell the roses, bringing back an old tradition, changing the stereotype, big reading lamps, popsicles in the winter, orange juice to fight the colds, kids cough medicine smell, christmas sprinkles, college semester break, being a family, taking a vacation, the return of a military member to his family and countless others. What I am meaning to get across is that you should always count your blessings. We as humans manage to take even the littlest things for granted, holidays aren't the only time to be thankful the bible tells us to give thanks in all situations, what if you woke up with only what you thanked god for yesterday? Be grateful and live every second to the fullest potential. You never know what could happen, will you be happy with the image that flashes before your eyes?

you

     I think it takes a while to realize who you are; especially in high school. You do what your friends do, not because you have to, because you want to; we do absurdly crazy things that people would never even believe had happened because they sound that ridiculous to anyone who didn't witness it. It's a great time, really you have to get into nonsense trouble sometime in your life and high school seems to be the time for a lot of people. The thing about this is that with so much going on and influencing your decision making (whether it be conscious or not), is that it clouds you from, well, YOU. Which may get in the way of figuring out who you are as a person, and where your own opinion stands among the others. It is important to find yourself at some point, if not you will always lack a personality and people will walk all over you.
     Developing a personality comes from a lot of aspects in a persons life. Family for instance plays a role in your life, depending on how close you are and the morals of your family, most people tend to follow their families. In some cases it falls opposite because of resentment or hostile relationships everything is dependent upon your situation. Another factor is your talents and interests, ranging from sports to music to school and it also varies with your talent in those field. For instance if you are an all star football player you might be cockier than the first chair in orchestra and you might be shy if your talents aren't quite as shiny. How you react to that is yet another facto extrovertedly, your self confidence and ability to deal with what life hands you. Some people handle things more while some people suffer and will never say a word to anyone. Those people can range from the strongest to the most vulnerable people. All these different influences create your personality, which then affects what people think of you, where you go and what decisions you make.
     What I know is that you have to become somebody, embrace yourself. No one is more you than you, and absolutely no one can tell you that you're doing it wrong because your not. It is the one thing in life you have total control over, you can go anywhere and do anything that you imagine. Dream big, and follow your heart because you only get one life and it is only as fabulous as you make it. Don't let anyone get in your way or make you feel little, because you are BIG! You are capable of anything you set your mind to. So lover yourself, and respect yourself because that is the only you will get others to do the same.

     "be yourself, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

-Dr. Seuss

a weight

     I am going to attempt to reflect on a cliche, forgive and forget. Sometimes bad things happen, someone lies, you make a mistake, you tell a secret, you crash a car, & sometimes you THINK someone made a mistake even when they didn't. That's what I'm frustrated about, I believe you should always forgive and forget. You only live one life, and if you keep knotting yourself up in one stupid thing it will hold you back from everything else. You will be constantly absorbed with whatever your mind thinks has happened, especially if you don't have proof. Even in this situation there should be a forgiveness, let me tell you it's usually the bigger person. Often, the person being accused is usually the one that apologizes because they are so annoyed with the accusation. This usually doesn't make anything better. It is an awful situation, there isn't really a way to win. Although it could probably be fixed if the accuser apologized and acknowledged that they were wrong. It may be hard, but it is indeed the right thing to do. If you do have proof, forgiveness should be the same, in some ways, there should be an apology, a confession and forgiving statement. Forgiveness and forgetting is a slippery slope, some people say it is best to forgive but not forget. If you don't forget, my personal view is that, it is the same exact thing as never forgiving the person in the first place. The thought is still completely in you head and clouding your judgement. It is an important skill to learn how to move on, and get over it.
     I don't want to seem like I'm on a rant and I am aware it may appear that way. It is just a thought that has bottled in my head for a while. It is truly important to not let anything hold you back. In a nerdy way it's kind of like a math equation the more variables and obstacles you have to pass to reach the solution, the longer it takes to get to the clear. Life is the same way the more you bog yourself down with confusing/clouding up your head the harder it will be to live life. Who doesn't want to be care-free? I'm saying that you have to strip the weights off of yourself in order to run the race that has been set in front of you. No one is strong enough to carry that burden, maybe at first but it will catch up to you.

you know only the good die young

     Young Sir. Billy Joel, he was a man of entertainment. Born in the Bronx in 1949, brought up with music as his father was a pianist. He loved the music life, he dropped out of high school early in order to pour himself into his first album: cold spring harbor. Even more impressive he was playing piano at age four, and later at age seventeen inspired the beatles iconic Ed Sullivan Show performance. Overtaken with the eagerness of trying to make it as a rock star, Joel moved to LA to fly under the radar for a while. In 1972, he got an oppertunity working as a lounge pianist under the pseudonym Bill Martin. This time playing at The Executive Room on Wilshire Boulevard would later become of his song "Piano Man," which describes a sketchy lounge with un-important patrons. Joel gained momentum upon the popularity of his piano man single. Most of the songs to follow portrayed his frustration with hollywood, and foreshadowed his escape from LA. He had many successful songs, including two greatest hits albums, and many poeples choice awards and In 1989, on the heels of successful single "We Didn't Start the Fire," Joel was presented with the Grammy Legend Award. He was later inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame by his lifetime idol Ray Charles.
     Which brings me to my favorite Billy Joel song Only the Good Die Young. It was origionally about a girl he couldn't get to have sex with him because she was catholic and was saving herself for marriage. It was banned by the catholic school, which of course only drove the kids to want it more. In the end he still ends up without sex, so it is not really that bad of song in retrospect. It did though give Joel smashing success, he even wrote a letter to ask them to ban his next song as how much more popular this one became. "I wanna be the one because darling you know only the good die young." The song is just so upbeat and crazy fun, I could listen to it on repeat. So hear is to you Billy, sooner or later it comes down to fait, YOU might as well be the one!